Unusual request

Economic experts, people, idiot government people are debating everywhere about the increasing inflations rate which touched 7.14% yesterday which is as per economic experts is too much. I as a student never realized that any such thing is happening in society. I always call my father and demand whatever amount of money is required but surprisingly this month I demanded money thrice, And still seeking for more help from papa.

In morning I called up my Internet Service Provider (youtele com) because internet is not working in my area.

Me: sir, could you please tell me , what is the problem with you guys.

He: sir actually modem in your area is down, let me check the problem or we will send you one technician within 24 hours.

Now this technician thing is really funny, because YOUTELE has only one technician

In our area and unfortunately that guy look more like electrician than technician.

And also this guy is very funny, he even can’t tell you difference between LINUX and windows

Ok I know I am nerd computer engineer. But I think he must know these all things.

He: anything else sir?

Me: yes yaar, could you do me a favor please.

He: what sir?

Me: please if possible add this month bill in next month bill, because I am unable to pay this time.

He: are you sure sir, because we may disconnect services, and there is no rule from our side to take care of such requests, I am really sorry sir, I am unable to forward this request.

Me: do it yar, I am a customer of youtele since 3 years, and is it a way to deal with old customer. ( I used this line to give some impression.)

He: I know it sir, but I can’t change our policies for you, you may use online option, drop box option. What exactly is your problem, why are not you able to pay bill this time.

Me: hmm, reason is simple , I don’t have money this time.

On this , he sounds very confusing and said sorry and disconnected the phone.

Really inflation is on its peak, I never thought of getting money in 5 figures in month, but now a days I am getting it and still not able to make use of it in proper way. And that’s too when I stay at my home maximum time. May god bless poor souls who are still supporting these bunch of fools ( say UPA govt).

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

I am back

I know you missed my blog a lot. I have received millions of emails to keep writing my blog. I answered few and left remaining.

 

People warned me to do suicide. I got lots of mental pressure from all over the world.

Oh, gosh I am too famous…

 

Wait... Someone just pinched me..

 

Ok ok reality is people thought I am no more on this holy earth, so they had started celebrating and even newspapers and TV media have reported that there is sudden happier atmosphere in blogger world.

People are distributing sweets on the streets of their respected places.

 

But sorry folks... You need to control your emotions…

 

And start praying now because MAD is back… :D :D :D

A tale of few spikes.

Few accidents lead life to miserable condition, when everyone in society is ready to raise his/her finger against you. When you have no support in society and you feel like pernicious species. You have been throwing out of everything just because of one mistake. As per one bollywood dialogue “aadmi ko apni image banana mai puri age lag jati hai , per gavane k liye sirf ek mauke ki jarurat hoti hai”.

Ok , kill the suspense nothing has happened as such to me, the only thing which I tried was HAIRCUT, a simple haircut. Is it wrong to have haircut in democratic nation like India, I am just enjoying my rights nothing else.

I went to barber shop to have haircut. Errr. Let me tell you one thing, I am now 23 and I have never changed my hair style , I am using the same since my mumma gifted a comb to play. I think she was highly confused about my learning abilities, which she later discovered that I am not normal but an abnormal one. Ok coming back to the topic. so, I told him to trim my hair but not too short.

Moreover, as per my habit I bring out my mobile to do SMS to my friends. Gosh did I tell you because of my chatting abilities my mom once remarked me that “ARE YOU BEING PAID BY ANYONE TO SPEAK THIS MUCH”. In addition, once one of my friends became humble and requested me to remain silent for few minutes :(. So I was busy in chatting throughout the cutting session. Moreover, unfortunately the person who was cutting my hair was of same genre of mine. He was chatting with his colleagues. So we two were chatting here and there. Finally after 15 minutes he told me to have a look… oh my, was it me. :O ???

I argued. “Did I tell you to cut this much of hairs. :x” and blah blah blah blah.

He became numb for few seconds and finally concluded that a new hairstyle will do better. So he chopped some more to give new EESHTYLE… :(

Suddenly I realized that my hairs had a height equivalent to the height of grass on a soccer field after a soccer match.

Ok, I came out from the shop because it was partially my mistake too. First thing which I did after it was to buy a hair gel , so that I could give a look to this down to earth hairs.

Now another problem was which look. Should I go for spikes or just down hairs?

To make my condition more hell, I watched TAARE ZAMEEN PER and seriously amir was looking good in throughout the movie. In addition, to make hell out of me, he was in Spikes. One of my favorite options after such tragic accident.

People laughed on me like any thing, ok spikes seldom look good on round faces. But, for spheres like me, it wasn’t looking good. And few of the comments were:

1) Abbey bhes char gayi kya baalo ko… (did buffalo enjoy and ate your hairs.)

2) Yeh suar ki pooch jaise cutting kyu karva li.(why did you have this pig’s tail like haircutting)

3) Raham kha , please go and borrow wig, if not for you at least for people in your vicinity.

4) Did you pay for this, or chopped your hairs by your own scissors.

5) You r looking damn cool man, but such hairstyle looks good on other planets not on earth.

6) Etc

There were so many more comments, including a few one, which are famously known as “GALIYAN” on Indian subcontinent.

I thought people living in my vicinity are GHATIS and have no knowledge of changing trend of world. So I uploaded a few of my pictures on orkut or show a few of my pictures to my friend on yahoo chat etc. seriously , people in my vicinity are more dignified than on internet. A few of ‘em promised me to keep this picture to make fear in the mindset of their children. A few promised to show this picture to show to their girl friends to show that god becomes sometime too miserable. A few linked my profile pictures to worst picture of human breed they have ever seen on internet.

After getting such a nice review of my hairs, I had no other option but to watch the growth of my hairs like any mother who keeps her eyes on growth of her child after delivery.

Time passed like anything, but :( unfortunately my hairs’ growth started reflecting the growth of any poor African nation. And till today they are still at the same condition. :( sob sob.

Not every story has good ending. :( this is the one with same ending.

M.A.D

i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Long live democracy

There are few days on the calendar when people really become patriotic and come out to show their patriotism to the outer world. You can spot them with national flags of plastic, paper, cloth and of possible matter.

Even suddenly, I dot know from where, patriotic songs come into picture instead of himesh’s songs. Since from morning to the evening you listen numbers of patriotic songs that you generally listen on those patriotic days.

Suddenly newspaper media realize that they are writing for India and they too try to pain their newspaper in Indian flag’s color. Suddenly they realize a few of freedom fighters are still alive and they try to check their problems with their daily articles. Suddenly they realize Indian actors and actresses have some patriotic feeling and they fill their page 3 with this feeling. To give a proof of jingoism, even media receive advertisements in the form of tri-color formats. :P

Not to ignore TV media who has special panel or say a bunch of intellectuals for this day, who starts from morning and end in evening, praising Indian democracy making fun of neighboring country’s democracy. In addition, discussing what should we do to make it better and all other crap. I am listening all this crap since the advent of TV media in India.

HAPPY REPUBLICAN DAY

By the time, people have started making perception of things. They have started making meaning of independence in their own terms; after all, we are independent to do anything. Anything? Yes, it is a real question that our democracy is still facing and I really do not know when will these ends.

Problem of castes, religion, hunger, poverty, and unemployment, partition wall of rich and poor is still in picture. Like the sensex of Bombay stock market sometime problem are really on high to deal with , sometime it is very low that our respected ministers start making fun of democracy and start from past to get such problems back.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO ALL THE POLITICAL LEADERS, WE DON’T REALLY HAVE A NATIONAL LEADER THAT WE CAN BE PROUD OF: MANOJ KUMAR

However, India is witnessing some good time now a days, youths are more concerned to country now like never before. However, a few have dream of USA or other western countries but maximum are with this nation now. As witnessed in past some cases. Not for the first time but youth is united today to contribute in the growth of country.

It seems that definition of patriotism is changing, not it is not about love for a country but also about how to make it more adorable.

With so many problems and much more solutions, this country is still enjoying its democratic waves. This is showing strength of this country.

JAI HIND

VANDEMATRAM

HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Advertising advertisement.

My family and I are standing at some show shoe shop.

Me: papa, please this one.

Papa: no..

Me: papa, please , it has light. ( pointing toward a shoe which has light in its bottom)

Papa: no it is not good…

Me : :( bwahahahah … main neee. Many other of my friends has this shoes. See it has light ( pointing towards light once again, as it is going to be headlight of my feet)

Finally after few more arguments I got my light wale shoes. This was the impact of advertisement of “action light shoes”, and happened to me when I was only 8-9 year old. That advertisement had very peculiar effect on my mind, I almost cried in front of so many unknown people. And argued badly with my papa. That jingle is still in my mind “ lalala light wo bhi shoe mai, kaisa hai yeh system… action ka hai light system”

Even after so many years, I wonder about that advertise and its effect on children like me.

Such is the importance of advertisement of any particular product. That’s why companies waste or invest billions of money in this particular section. When we go to buy any thing we have certain image of any thing in our brain.

Few days back, I was doing a shopping at BIG BAZAR. And I was in food section of it. A mother was looking at rice. Suddenly her child who was also in confusing state spoke: “mamma why are we buying this, I have not seen its advertisement on any tv. Please go for that brand , it is very good I have seen it on TV”.

I started laughing on this incident, so is that lady, Because of innocence of that child. Who even doesn’t known about how to cook, or anything but forcing her mother to buy rice just because of advertisement.

It is becoming a habit of younger generation ( 15-30 age group) and kids (age group below 15) to go for things which they might have seen on TV, or somewhere else as advertisement. Even companies are becoming mad to endorse their products by advertising. I wonder may be one day advertise of product will be more costly than manufacturing of product itself.

There are advertisement every where , just look outside and you will get trillions of advertise to advertise trillions of products. Advertise on rickshaw, on car , on boards, on cloths, as tattoos, in advertisement itself…

Just have a blink and you will get some new... Here n there everywhere …

May be one day my son will come to me and say “PAPA PLEASE THIS BRING MUMMY, I HAVE SEEN HER ON TV. :P “ ok I was kidding. And it was an advertisement of being kidding. Oh my god please bring me out of this advertisement world.

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

So Good bye 22

Finally I saw off 22^nd year of my life yesterday, with so many kicks on my ahem area. It wasn’t great year either but it was really special for me.

Ok this year gave last year of my graduation. Huh. By the way it is not the only thing great about this year. Then what? I was astonished. Was it really a year to remember?

Yes it was. So what if there were a few things to remember and lots of thing to forget but still it is a part of my life.

Ok ok cut the crap and come back to point. It is my birthday today. And I am 23 now. You people can send your birthday wishes, gifts, cash, etc etc etc on my address. ( if you don’t have it, I can give it to you on special request.)

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Version 1:

“Oh my son has scored 89.6%, still he could score much more”

“My son is school topper.”

Version 2:

“I told you to read books, but you don’t have time to study... only game, game n game… huh”

“Beta, this music and painting wont give u a better life in future, only mathematics type of subjects are important”

Version 3:

Son: “papa I want to do media courses, I think I can do well in it.”

Father: “no, you will earn lots of money in medical profession, and media profession is not so good.”

Story is same everywhere, only characters are different. People around the world have changed a lot. There was never a boom of success like it is today. Success? Is it really a success?

Killing a dream of child to fulfill own desire is not success.

Running behind marks is not a success. (Where is the knowledge… no where, all you need to do is cramming cramming and cramming without keeping the basic fundamental of learning.)

Amir chooses such subject to make his debut as director.

Amir Khan did a brilliant job in his debut as director. Making film on problem like Dyslexia is not an easy thing because the things may turn to a documentary of subject. Specially showing problem of younger one is difficult to sell in India.

It is becoming neck to neck competition in every field in India, which is opening new challenges and killing many too.

In this era of SMS voting competitions talent is becoming things of past… and actually the main reason is many of us don’t want to be in danger zone by doing any thing which we love to do.

Coming back to the movie, till this time many of you must have seen this movie, if not then you are plain unfortunate and you need to consult jyotishis for your luck.

I went in the theater, hoping to see any documentary type of thing, because subject of movie was giving such impression to many movie lovers. But surprisingly it wasn’t documentary.

Amir came in second half of the movie, and it was his direction only which didn’t give any boring impression in 1^st half and child artist did his role perfectly. It is very difficult to make movie run on child artist for first complete half. But he did it. Mr. Perfectionist.

Few scenes forced me to cry , and watching growth of that child was so pleasant.. which needs an up gradation in dictionary, because I am not getting proper words to describe that feeling.

I hope you people too have loved this movie, if you are still waiting to watch this movie… please go as soon as possible.

Ahem, I have also tried aamir’s hairstyle after movie… :( though it is not looking good. But you know every hairstyle is unique and I will keep continuing it.

M.A.D

i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Adult Kid

It’s becoming a habit of people to make me wait. Wait for any damn thing possible… wait for a call, wait for a dinner, wait to ring me when required, wait, wait, wait, wait... I think I am becoming waiting machine (weighting machine too :( )

So today Mr. AKS made me waited for a lunch, when I was coming from a class. And guys trust me if AKS is asking for 2 min time then be sure you are going to wait for 20 or more minutes.

So I reached before him at the destined location. And after so many phone calls and abusing data transfer finally I realized that there is no need to wait him like a waiting person, its better to do some time pass.

The location of our meet was “a restra near shiva ji nagar railway station”.

So I looked for nearby time passes. Generally in such cases best time passes are any book shop or CD stall on roads. And luckily there was one CD stall.

So I decided to watch CDs. (though I am a big thief, cyber thief who steals every damn thing possible from internet… including software to movies to songs.. everything .. you name it I download it)

To my disappointment that stall had only movies and mp3 cds. So I just had a gaze there and went away. But I still had to do timepass.

I decided to purchase cartoon CDs (tom n jerry or any such cartoon Cds) . I looked carefully cover of each n every CD possible.

But to my biggest unfortunate there was nothing, I was about to leave that place.

Suddenly the owner of Stall asked me “ bhaiya what do you want”

Me: “yaar , I think you don’t have that stuff” and gave very bad sad expression.

He: “no sir, I have all CDs possible just tell me what do you want”

Me: “yaar I am unable to find that out, I think you don’t keep it”

He gave very wicked smile and blinked and opened one of his bags.

He took out 2-3 CDs.

To my surprise those CDS were of porn movies, :P .

He: “see bhaiya, I have every collection possible… you were looking for it.. am I right sir. I have lots of other too”.

I thud my head by my hand. And uttered 2-3 words for my friend who made me wait there because of him I was in such condition.

I gave wicked smile to him too…

Me: “did I ask for it… are I am asking for TOM n JERRY CDs”

Till time I was completely out of my sense and laughing very badly…

He was in real surprise because by my age I am 22 but by my habits I am still 12… god people are still unable to understand me. :P

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

New Year new resolutions...

Being a lazy person I really hate to do anything, which includes taking blanket in colder night. And also it is very difficult to make some rules and regulations for those days which I have only seen on calendar. But to prove myself a proud engineer (we plan every damn thing possible, even many of my friends have planned their kids name :O )I planned some resolutions for this year... Though I am 10000% sure that I won’t follow anyone, but there is a great joy to break resolutions.

Some of resolutions are:-

1. Weight : ahem, yes I am talking about weight sincerely.. ok ok I will loose it.. Though it was my last year resolution too… (did I say that it is my resolution since 8^th class). Honestly it is too much now… no I am not talking about weight; I am talking about endless list of names which I am getting because of this weight.

2. Reading : (gosh)… though I can kill anyone to buy fiction books to read from crossword or any such book store but please take course books away from me, ok I am making a resolution.. hehe I have only 3 exam to take in this semester, forget about such stupid resolutions. I can’t change my 7 semester reputation in one semester.

3. English: ahem, it is also a one point. :( I will improve my communication English ( grammar also, if you have any helpful tip you can mail it to me on aashish.dixit@gmail.com), also will work on vocabulary. You know it is too difficult to carry a dictionary to theatre, and you can’t ask any word from your neighbor. also when you are reading any ahem story , it is quite stupid thing to search meaning of words in dictionary. So the conclusion is I need to work on it seriously.

4. Blog : sighs, last year I got a good blogging culture in last year, which is quite encouraging for a blogger like me. Ok I am not a good blogger I know, and I write frustration, stupid things happened to me, fiction (ok, max of posts are fiction work.. it is no more a thing to hide). But I really love to write. I just want to write things happening to me, happening to anyone. I just want to give life to things. I just want to give a new imagination to my words.

Ok cut the crap, I will become more regular on blog and will write as much possible. ( I know it a torture for maximum readers.. haha but I can’t help myself)

5. Internet: ok I am not declaring that I won’t come online or things like this. Ok, internet bug like me can’t change himself in a day or two. We people need lots of time to do this. Even a gunpoint thing is not going to change our mind… so what you people are thinking, this stupid resolution can change my internet habit… no way. I can’t ditch my internet life. As already few people have concluded that I am living a dual personality. One who is on internet and other one who is ……… oye wait a minute I am same in my every personality.

6. Girls: ok, wait over. no, I have not got any girl friend , even I am not planning to get any ( even they are not planning to get boy friend like me). So what is it here on my resolution chart? answer is … ok I forgot.. babu bhaiya yeh ladki ka chakkar hai na.. bas samajh jao.

I know how serious I am for my resolutions, and I know how many of it is going to see a rising sun of tomorrow . fir bhi koshish ek asha. I can atleast try my best. Ok semi best . if adnan can do it, I can atleast think to do it.

C ya

Ok sorry I forgot to say “HAPPY NEW YEAR” . though I am only 3 day late or say 363 days ahead to wish it.

M.A.D

i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Absence

Absence, a small word but which has lots of effects on normal human being. Sometime you are addicted to few people in you life and suddenly you are lonely in absence of that person… you have no one to fill that space which has been created by that person. (s) he is the one is always there to help you even in mid-night. Even (s)he is ready to call you, to console you, to listen you when you have no one to understand you.

It is not mandatory that you have to respect your blood relations only, even in my case I don’t believe in blood relations, I hate to live with them (not talking about my mummy, papa and sister). Even I hate to have such relatives who have motive to loot only , or to take benefit of you in every form.

Some relations are bigger than blood relations, and I strongly believe in making such relations.

Even in past I have so many friends on internet with whom I had brother or sister ( I made sisters too :) on internet , though figure is still less than female friends on internet ) relationship. Few were very close to me, but all vanished as time spread its wing.

With the past one year, I was disturbing one bhaiya who became my buddy cum bhaiya cum net friend cum advisor, cum counselor, cum solution to many problems. Taresh bhaiya , who loved to call me Gabdu, is now all ready to leave this country to work in USA. Though only for few days, months or say years but he was the one who tried to help me in every possible way. I always tried my best to meet him in past year but never got succeed. I know my luck always play tricks with me ad now he is ready to fly away from me.

Though we never met personally but his calls and chatting sessions on gtalk were very helpful. May be he will continue same thing from USA ( and I know he will do it, I wont allow him to forget me… hehe). But still I am once again the one to get absence of someone who is so close to me. Still nothing is going to change but this conscious mind… :(

Bhaiya thanks for everything you helped me, and special thanks for this sweet teddy.

May god bless you and you will get success in every field.

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Being SINGLE.

Sometime it is really havoc to remain SINGLE…

Q. what is SINGLE?

a. SINGLE: Not married or related to the unmarried state (according to dictionary).

But engineer’s definition (you know, I have to take care of my own occupation it is really mandatory for me to answer in that language.)

Single : a very disturbing state of girl/boy, in which (s)he has to show pair of teeth in front of everyone , to show that you are still happy with this status though you are not.

It is also a relationship status option in website “ORKUT” , which decides your profile visits if you are female and sometime it also decides your status in front of other one. And if you are a boy... does it even matter to boys whether they are on orkut or not: P

Single also means a SIN Gazed on Lonely Earth ( I tried to make full form of SINGLE).

This is the level of answers which we wrote in our examinations, guess the level of frustration of examiners after checking it.

Well cut the crap, and coming to the point.

Yesterday a south Indian lion (who live inside me though I am north Indian) roared badly and demanded for good south Indian food. So I had only one good option in Pune i.e. restaurant Vaishali at F C Road. :x (well hotels in Pune too serve south Indian foods but it has good Maharashtrian flavor which I really dislike.)

Usually this place is over crowded with people on weekends. It means you have to wait for at least 30 mins or more if you want to enjoy south Indian cuisine there.

I was alone there, with no one to company at dine. So it was really difficult for restaurant staff to provide a table to single person when 20-30 people more are waiting. So they asked me “can you join any one else, if you don’t have problem.”

Me: “no, I don’t have any problem. But please confirm from their side too”.

Now I am telling you this world is becoming crueler for mushy couples. That idiot waiter directly went to one such couple to ask about one seat... and that’s too for me!!!

Waiter: “sir a boy is standing there; can he join you people, if you don’t have any problem?”

Boy (astonished completely and was in mood to kill that waiter but I think he tried to become smart in front his girl friend): “don’t you guys have any other seat to offer him?”

Waiter: “no sir, restaurant is completely full today, as you know it is Sunday” (and smiled like a champion because he did his work perfectly).

Boy: “ok… we don’t have problem”

Then boy gazed to girl, and read her complaining eyes :p and they became silent. And for the first time I behaved like “pyar ka dushman “ in my entire life. :x just because of that idiot waiter.

I joined them, and I really don’t know what happened to them. They stopped discussing things. I was sitting opposite to girl.(she was very cute , and guy was $%@#$%@#$ in front of her)( you may also call it jealous factor).

We three were sitting there just like Gandhi ji’s three monkey. I had tried to play role of all three to remain silent, I tried not to listen any word from them and most important not to see that girl. (Blushes)

Now I was feeling very shy because of it, because I interrupted someone’s family planning or someone’s future plans about marriage or at least say any thing they were planning initially. :P

Even I tried my best to behave friendly with them, but it seemed that they were promised before my arrival that audio data transfer is sin in front of any computer engineer.

Suddenly I saw a table where only a pair of son and his father was sitting. I went directly to waiter and told him to ask kiddo-n-papa pair to allow and adjust me with them.

And also I abused waiter to give such sit previously.

Me: “ sharm nahi aati hai kisi k bhi saath betha dete ho”

Waiter (grinning): “sir us time koi sit khali hi nahi thi, aur aapne enjoy nahi kia.”

Me (tried to show more aggression): to wait nahi karva sakta tha” :X

Waiter:” offo sir, ok mai puchta hai un se..”

And finely I got sit at that table of father and son. And it was really a bad thing which 1 single could face at any crowded place.

M.A.D i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

No beta it is COW!!!

A boy (age 3-4 years old) with his mother at juice centre of MG road.

Boy: mom vo dekho ek guy ( guy = cow in hindi)
Mother: no beta, it is not like this, you should say, it is a cow.

Though she was correct, and she is only trying to teach her child but this incident took away my thoughts for a moment.
Is it mandatory to cram learning English as our 1st language???
What about 18 different Indian languages???
Ok English is universal language but is it really necessary to give higher priority to it??? And that’s to in such an early age.
This English language craze is on its real boom today. No one wants to admit their wards in any Hindi medium school (till they have no other option left because of money).
Missionary schools are mushrooming up here and there. Private schools too started following such things.
I am not at all against of learning English language but they way parents have started taking it is seriously serious.
Whatever is the place, wherever is the location English is coming ahead leaving local languages far apart.
May be this BPO boom or IT industry is giving this a brighter platform but leaving own mother tongue is not a solution. It is only a problem.

Today it is like a shame if you do a grammar mistake in English but if when you do it in Hindi or other languages it is fun.

Speak Sudh Hindi in front of anyone, it can annoy him/her but no problem with English.

This guy(cow) incident is just an example, even in our houses it is a day to day activity to teach our wards such words , and do hell with other languages.
Already so many tribal languages have vanished from this world, Sanskrit users are really in numbers, urdu is no where in scene (leaving Pakistanis who are making a fun of this language , their speaking language is Punjabi and official language is urdu), and so many other languages.

Maa is becoming mom day by day; pita ji is getting converted into dad.

We can’t blame to parents directly but they can teach their wards their own culture at least at home.
We don’t need a USA or UK support to learn our own culture, it is becoming a practice of Indians to follow things happened in west. We do yog because Americans are doing it. Holy shit.

All I can say is we are developing our country India; we are not at all making any other state of USA here.
It is better to develop country by its own culture not by following any XYZ country, because they have their own standard of livings.

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Jogging :(

 

Scene 1

Friend A:  are you pregnant?

Me: :O, since when boys are becoming pregnant. You idiot.

Friend A : no , actually you are getting weight day by day!!!

Me : :(

Scene 2

Friend B : what is your diet? I am afraid you will finish up all the things in dinner, and we will remain hungry.

Me: Oye fitte muh. My diet is normal; in fact I eat less than you. X-(

 

Scene 3

I am on phone with my mom.

Maa : bas mota hi hota rahiyo, kam mat ho jaiyo. Abhi chuttiya hai kuch kaam hi kar le. Weight ka kuch khayal kar and blah blah blah (conclusion: you are getting too much weight, start exercising)

Me: do you have any other thing to talk about? Huh (I seriously think sometime what will my mom talk about if I solve this problem of weight!!!)

 

There are so many more scenes too; even people who have never seen me are talking me in sarcastic way!!!

So finally I decided to do something.

 

Ahem!!!

I am good in yoga so initially I planned to start with yogic exercises; everything was going perfectly fine till one day one friend challenged me to become lesser in weight than him till 7^th January. ( I know it is not fair and time limit is very short. But challenge is challenge.

So today I decide to reduce it by faster way, a jogging way. (I have a good stamina in running and walking, so it is not a difficult task but the thing is I need a partner to jog with).

Today 20 December 2007

I woke up by 6:00 am (I was online till 2:00am, we poor internet breed of humans)

I called my friend for a company, even after 6-7 calls I was getting same reception “tring tring”… now it was cheesing me off. X-(

So I started jogging after replying my scraps on orkut, giving my valuable ( :O ) thoughts on various communities and replying my emails ( there was not a single bloody email in my mailbox today x-( )

Finally I am on road at 6:45am, accompanied by street dogs, fellow joggers (age group 50 to infinity)

Huh PMC (Pune Municipal Corporation) is not working seriously, too much trash on roads. Well nothing to worry about, I am still on road (walking, venue of jogging is our university road which is 700 m long, no idea about width :O)

Everything seems to be fine… wait... Who is burning coal at this time... Huh… that’s why I suggest people to do yoga. India is becoming polluted and populated day by day.

Huh!!! Is it necessary for people to throw condoms on roads x-(.

 

Finally after a Km walk, I am on university road (remember which is 700 m long)

Round 1:

Yaar India is really becoming populated; lots of people are there for walking. (Age group: 12 to 70+)... Damn it no hot chick is jogging.

Round 2:

Hmph hmph!!! Aaha lots of guys are coming for jogging; I am the only lazy ass who was not thinking about this. Idiot me.

Round 3:

Officially final round, because it is my first day and I have reached to my stamina limit. Hmph hmph… wow there is group of girls. :( may my luck wonders like Chetan Bhagat’s Five point someone novel’s Hari. Offo is it necessary or girls to come with their salman khan look like boy friends.

Finally I am out of campus, and sweating like a melting glacier.

May be I will keep continuing this practice. :)

 

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

180 min.

i modified this song to this shit, just to motivate all students appearing in various exams.. you know i am so kind..

180 minutes

180 minute !!!
180 minute hai tumhare paas
shayad
tumhari zindagi ke sabse khaas
180 minute
aaj tum accha likho ya bura
yeh 180 minute tumhe
zindagi bhar yaad rahenge
toh kaise likhna hai
aaj main tumhe nahi batayunga
bas itna kahunga
ki jaayo
aur yeh 180 minute
jee bhar ke likho
kyunki iske baad aane wali zindagi mein
chahe sahi ho ya na ho
chahe kuch rahe ya na rahe
tum haaro ya jeeto
lekin yeh 180 minute
tumse koi nahi cheen sakta
koi nahi
toh
maine socha ki
iss exam mein kaise likhna hai
aaj main tumhe nahi batayunga
balki tum mujhe batayoge
likhkar
kyunki main jaanta hoon
ki agar yeh 180 minute
iss exam ka har questions mai
apni memory ki sabse badiya
answer likh dia
toh yeh 180 minute
khuda bhi tumse waapis nahi maang sakta
toh jaayo
jaayo aur apne aap se
iss zindagi se
apne khuda se
aur har uss insaan se jisne tumhe
tumpar barosa na kiya ho
apne 180 minute cheen lo


M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

O Re Piya

Sometimes even a song can change your mood, I remember of one guy who left USA just because of one song (I am talking about Mr. Raj Bapna of mind power who left USA just because of song “chithi aayi hai”).

Yesterday I was chatting with one of my friend, we generally chat about movies as well songs (a height of Vellapan you can say). So she asked me about “aaja nachle” movie… at that time I was only in the clouds of bad reviews of this movie from various sources. So I had no idea about its song, I had an idea of that controversial song and nothing else. She forced me to listen this song “o re pia”.

First I downloaded it from website like and ideal cyber thief. Aaaahhhhaaaaaa this song is sung by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan Sahab. Wow a treat to ears; it was the first reaction after few lines of song. Suddenly I was completely in song. It’s a song about a girl who is completely mad for her love and chasing her love.

Suddenly I was in completely in the fever of song and don’t know from where one tear rolled out of my eyes. I became mad and started moving my feet. Whew thanks to god that I was alone in my flat at that time, I started giving facial expression, I was completely out of my sense at that time. And then it happened which even never happened to me by listening any fast dance track. Yes I started dancing slowly, slowly. My player was in one song repeat mode. And after 1 hour or 1.5 hours, I came in my sense. Hell what was I doing and for whom? So many questions were floating in my minds just in few seconds.

I am sure some of you might have felt the same magic with this song. Here is the lyric of this song.

O re piya haye 3

Udne laga kyon man baawla re
Aaya kahan se yeh hosla re
O re piya haye 2

Tanabana tanabana bunti hawaa haaye bunti hawa
Boondein bhi to aaye nahi baaz yahan

Sagish mein shaamil sara jahan hai
Har zare zare ki yeh iltiza hai

O re Piya
O re Piya haye 2
O re Piya

ni re ,re re ga
ga ga ma
ma ma pa
pa ma ga re sa
sa re re sa
ga ga re
ma ma ga
pa pa ma
dha dha pa
ni ni sa sa pa
pa sa ma pa dha ni sa ni
re ni sa sa sa.. . . . ..

Nazrein bolen duniya bole
dil ki zaban haaye dil ki zubaan
Ishq maange ishq chahe koi toofan

Chalna aahiste ishq naya hai
Pehla yeh vada humne kiya hai

O re piya haaye 2
O re piya
Piyaaaaa....

yehhh piya

Nange pairo pe angaro
chalti rahi haaye chalti rahi
Lagta hai ke gairo mein
Palti rahi haaye
le chal wahan jo
Mulk tera hai
Jahil zamana
dushman mera hai

haaye

O re piya haye 5

Brief about song:

Movie : Aaja Nachle (2007)

Music Director : Salim Suleman

Singer : Rahat Fateh Ali Khan Sahab

Lyricists: Jaideep Suhani and Piyush Mishra

Mood/Type: Sad.

Listen it to feel the magic.

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Exams sexam hye rabba!!!

Whew!!!

What a relief!!!

Finally the monster of exams is not here , although he has promised me to come back after 6 months and also promised to show his fear in the month of February ( I m talking about results).

I don’t know what happened to me this time, for the first time I was… wait … no one was in fever of exams ( leave toppers idiots, they have nothing to do else.). We guys were 24x7 online on internet, we chatted with each n every one possible. We watched movies. We did whatever we didn’t suppose to do at that time. And the irony was no one is crying even after bad exams (huh, I m not talking about results, on that day from topper to bloody looser everyone cry. Topper to get more and looser hehehe to clear exams or to pass exams…)

Though my exams were not satisfactory this time, but because of our university pattern, we were too much blessed. Our blessing level was too much up that no one dares to touch before examination day. :)

Right from 1^st exam to last one, we people were leg pulling enjoying our sleepless nights (not burning midnight lamps buddy) but chatting on computer, making communities to do more leg pulling work.

My friend and me had already written so many algorithms helpful in passing exams, (links will be provided to each and everyone on demand).

So I am once again labeled as free after exams, huh, I know I have too much things in my mind for this vacations. Lets see how will I climb my dangerous plans. :). Till then jai ram ji ki… errr jai sita ram ji… :)

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

Exams :(

Twinkle twinkle little star…

Aur yeh jo exams hai yeh hai sabke baap.

I know above poem is bad, in fact very bad. But one can easily see my mental condition in examination time. A time in which I love to do each and everything possible than studies. I swear these exams are different than previous any exams happened. First of all it is my first time to final year :p. means after 6 months I will kick on the a** of this engineering. Whew. I can see stress free (???) life.. I know industry people are watching me and ready to give tons of work, like their senior did. But hey it is too much now with studies.

I am watching movies daily (downloading source will be revealed on demand). I have watched Gawaria ohh wait wait.. it was sawaria. I named it gawaria because initial first part was just like any chitrahar show having 2-3 hosts who are making fun of public by giving stupid dialogues. A so called love story , I was full up of tears after watching this movie. Yes sanjay leela bhansali is greatest movie maker. But hey hey I was not crying because of emotional flow of movie but those were tears of happiness.. whew 2 hours are over so is this movie. I was very happy after this movie because I am still to understand WHY. Why this movie. Why did I watch this movie. No doubt sets of movie were awesome and songs were too good. But story and acting.. nah.. sonam kapoor and ranbir kapoor were looking cute but why did SLB took salman and rani who spoiled movie.

Well after this I watched Om Shanti Om. It was better than previous one or say it was seem to be better to me after sawaria effect. Though it was spoof of so many things. Even SRK did his spoof. Deepika was looking gorgeous and I must tell you SRK is much better than any other one with 6 pack abs. he has started inspiring me.

The most irritating thing about this PLs( preparation leaves, which are supposed to be used by any student to study for exams) is internet. I have started sitting for 5-6 hours daily on it. And I am not the only one with such daily habit. Maximum of my college friends are following same routine. In fact we people have started making fun on internet. Guess we are studying on gtalk. Gosh. We r discussing problems ( obviously love problems, who cares about study problem).

This is our condition in exams. :( mano ya na mano…

Same is the news from all over india from fellow final year engineers…

Ok start wishing me luck buddies. Who knows your best wish may give some fortune to me.

M.A.D
i.e.

Mr. Ashish Dixit

water water... hmm i am aquarius.

few years back when I was kid (8-10years old ) …

I was in bathroom .

Mom : kitna khelega pani se, ar logo ko bhi nahana hai (how much will you play with water, other want to bath too)

Me: kya hai .. tang mat karo.. ( plz don’t disturb me )

Same history repeats itself years to years, day after day…

And this love for water was increasing with its pace.

Being an Aquarius it is natural for me. To do water works, to love water.

21/10/2007 (today’s date)

I woke up as usual, and after reading all the SMSs from friends on Dushera. I started to begin my daily activity.

So my first step out of my bed.

CHAPAK

2^nd step

CHAPAK

I realized that I am still in dreams but wait wait …

My image was floating on the floor…

Ohhhhhhh shit…

My floor was flooded with water :( . some 3-5 cm in height .

Ohhh what happened… Then I realized our lovely cook remained open the tap of kitchen and all blames to Pune’s builder. They bloody @%$#$%@# didn’t get time to provide better drainage system in kitchen.

So water was coming from that source.

Firstly I made the tap off. Then ran to my room mate ..

Me : gaba plzzz wake up.. our flat has been flooded by water.

Gaba: bhad mai ja …( go to hell)

Me : abey I am not kidding yar, really flat has been flooded…

Gaba : let me sleep , I slept at 6 am.

Me: abey idiot wake up. It is 8 am now. Plzzzzzzzzz help me . I am unable to clean it on my own.

Gaba then ignored me and used his blanket to cover each n every part of his body.

Me: #$%^$%^#$&#$T#$^&%^&$Y#$%&%^&%^#&%^&@$T%@#$^@$&#%^&@^@#$ ( some words are better to keep in encrypted form… I hope you are getting my feeling)

So I took broom and started sweeping water first from my rom. Oh shit I am missing one thing which is known as WIPER. :(

But it is in my luck to use desi things to clean the floor.

And to make my condition worst , my maid didn’t come.

So here I am .. and this is me… with broom.

Sweap sweap and sweap…

After that I realized I am just wasting my time using simple broom to clean things.

Then I used one desi method .. and I used my old towel to squeeze water .

After 1 hour of cleaning I became tired :( and took rest.

Once again after 5 mins of rest I was bac to action.

My room -> kitchen ->gaba’s room->bathroom.

Everywhere …

Finally cook came and he started laughing on my condition…

Gurrrrrrrr

Me: bhaiya it is because of you.

Cook : hahahaha

Me : chal don’t laugh and clean the remaining :(

Cook : ok bhaiya…

And he took charge from me, it was just like exchanging duties. He started cleaning floors of rooms and kitchen.

Whew

Then I realized god is too great.

He saw that our maid won’t come today so he adjusted his entire festive mood and forced me to make my flat cleaner.

And after hard work (muuuuuuuuah I love this hard work term, because I never do it) my flat was cleaner: O

Some of the hidden advantages of this cleaning program. :

1) flat is much cleaner today

2) I got my cute rugby ball back… hurray now I can play with that (don’t think any other thing.. it is just a softball in shape of rugby ball. And I love to play with it in my room. :) )

3)i got my 2 pairs of socks

And there are too many.

Rest is fine.

HAPPY VIJAYDASHMI

longessssssssssssst tongue

Aha so finally I checked status of my tongue with respect to (oh we engineers love this term) world records. :(. I think I need to do some exercises to make it longer.

Yesterday I was on bike (of course as pillion rider) and playing with my tongue (my favorite time pass :D ).

Before I write any thing I must tell you that I have longer tongue which must have been gifted by lizard’s family for my respect to their ancestors (yes I am talking about dinosaurs).

To make things better and clear for you , I can touch my nose tip with my tongue tip. :P . so you can imagine greatness of my tongue.

Well so because of devils inside me I googled “longest tongue in world” and got few records . The longest tongue in the world is recorded to some Stephen Taylor who has 9.5 Cms of tongue :( (He must belong to a family of lizards, I am telling you). And next to him is one girl who has record of 7.8 Cms tongue (interestingly she has longer one in females) .

So in a hope to get something, I checked my tongue…

Bull shit…. No no… dog shit… no no… oh come on yaar shit is shit…

My tongue is 1.6 Cms shorter to world record. Yeah you have calculated it right my tongue is varying between 7.8 or say 7.9 Cms . so I have planned to do some pushups with my tongue so that I can reach this golden figure… :). After all record is record..

And stupid Itune was playing “kya khoya kya paya jag mai”

But this tongue mystery has solved many mysteries disturbing me inside. Like

1) It has solved the mystery of my talkative nature, now I got it why I speak too much.

2) Why it takes too much time to clean my tongue :( with the help of tongue cleaner.

But it has not solved one mystery yet “why do girls speak more than boys if they have shorter tongue”. I am still looking for this.. haha

Gaba (my room mate, who can make record in his weight... just kidding) and me tried to measure my tongue with every possible way out (you may call it height of insanity, but we both live like this only hehe).

Our kaam wali bai was working in our flat at that time. She looked our madness and just smiled. Actually she was not getting words in hindi to speak anything (she is very weak in hindi :( and uses Marathi often).

So finally she gave her golden statement after all this” ae bhaiya , tum log ee kya karta hai… hamare Marathi mai ek kahavat hai jiska jeebh naak se chu jata hai , uski har icha puri hota hai.” (English translation for any angrez. “he brother, what are you doing… in our Marathi there is one old saying that if you can touch your nose tip with your tongue tip, your every wish will be fulfilled by god).

Hmm.

So I have started making wishes.. if you people have any .. you can contact me.. haha

Lord Ram's comments on RAM SETU

It has been copied from one community of orkut, i liked it so i m posting it here...


Lord Ram's comments on RAM SETU

The Lord Shree Shree Ramachandra Prabhu surveyed the Ram Setu and said
"Hanuman, how diligently and strenuously you and your vanara sena had built
this bridge several centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood
the ravages of the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is
indeed an amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at
Hyderabad built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day
even before they could stick the posters on its pillars."

Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your
grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the sea
and they held. No steel from TISCON or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever
used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."

Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the bridge
and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of money
will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on
construction. "

Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and present our
case"

Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us to
submit age proof and we don't have either a birth certificate or school
leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times in bullock
carts and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as the address
proof is concerned the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is itself under
litigation for over half a century, If I go in a traditional attire with
bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may take
me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the
reserved category. Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit
and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it
is dilemma so to say."

"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."

"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce the
lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and how the
project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is accepted
without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but unless a doctor
certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself personally
but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a
life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated."

"Lord can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given
darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint
Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still
they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only option,
I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records
straight once for all."

Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may
look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his mama
Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was in
the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth as
long as Salman Khan is around."