water water... hmm i am aquarius.

few years back when I was kid (8-10years old ) …

I was in bathroom .

Mom : kitna khelega pani se, ar logo ko bhi nahana hai (how much will you play with water, other want to bath too)

Me: kya hai .. tang mat karo.. ( plz don’t disturb me )

Same history repeats itself years to years, day after day…

And this love for water was increasing with its pace.

Being an Aquarius it is natural for me. To do water works, to love water.

21/10/2007 (today’s date)

I woke up as usual, and after reading all the SMSs from friends on Dushera. I started to begin my daily activity.

So my first step out of my bed.

CHAPAK

2^nd step

CHAPAK

I realized that I am still in dreams but wait wait …

My image was floating on the floor…

Ohhhhhhh shit…

My floor was flooded with water :( . some 3-5 cm in height .

Ohhh what happened… Then I realized our lovely cook remained open the tap of kitchen and all blames to Pune’s builder. They bloody @%$#$%@# didn’t get time to provide better drainage system in kitchen.

So water was coming from that source.

Firstly I made the tap off. Then ran to my room mate ..

Me : gaba plzzz wake up.. our flat has been flooded by water.

Gaba: bhad mai ja …( go to hell)

Me : abey I am not kidding yar, really flat has been flooded…

Gaba : let me sleep , I slept at 6 am.

Me: abey idiot wake up. It is 8 am now. Plzzzzzzzzz help me . I am unable to clean it on my own.

Gaba then ignored me and used his blanket to cover each n every part of his body.

Me: #$%^$%^#$&#$T#$^&%^&$Y#$%&%^&%^#&%^&@$T%@#$^@$&#%^&@^@#$ ( some words are better to keep in encrypted form… I hope you are getting my feeling)

So I took broom and started sweeping water first from my rom. Oh shit I am missing one thing which is known as WIPER. :(

But it is in my luck to use desi things to clean the floor.

And to make my condition worst , my maid didn’t come.

So here I am .. and this is me… with broom.

Sweap sweap and sweap…

After that I realized I am just wasting my time using simple broom to clean things.

Then I used one desi method .. and I used my old towel to squeeze water .

After 1 hour of cleaning I became tired :( and took rest.

Once again after 5 mins of rest I was bac to action.

My room -> kitchen ->gaba’s room->bathroom.

Everywhere …

Finally cook came and he started laughing on my condition…

Gurrrrrrrr

Me: bhaiya it is because of you.

Cook : hahahaha

Me : chal don’t laugh and clean the remaining :(

Cook : ok bhaiya…

And he took charge from me, it was just like exchanging duties. He started cleaning floors of rooms and kitchen.

Whew

Then I realized god is too great.

He saw that our maid won’t come today so he adjusted his entire festive mood and forced me to make my flat cleaner.

And after hard work (muuuuuuuuah I love this hard work term, because I never do it) my flat was cleaner: O

Some of the hidden advantages of this cleaning program. :

1) flat is much cleaner today

2) I got my cute rugby ball back… hurray now I can play with that (don’t think any other thing.. it is just a softball in shape of rugby ball. And I love to play with it in my room. :) )

3)i got my 2 pairs of socks

And there are too many.

Rest is fine.

HAPPY VIJAYDASHMI

longessssssssssssst tongue

Aha so finally I checked status of my tongue with respect to (oh we engineers love this term) world records. :(. I think I need to do some exercises to make it longer.

Yesterday I was on bike (of course as pillion rider) and playing with my tongue (my favorite time pass :D ).

Before I write any thing I must tell you that I have longer tongue which must have been gifted by lizard’s family for my respect to their ancestors (yes I am talking about dinosaurs).

To make things better and clear for you , I can touch my nose tip with my tongue tip. :P . so you can imagine greatness of my tongue.

Well so because of devils inside me I googled “longest tongue in world” and got few records . The longest tongue in the world is recorded to some Stephen Taylor who has 9.5 Cms of tongue :( (He must belong to a family of lizards, I am telling you). And next to him is one girl who has record of 7.8 Cms tongue (interestingly she has longer one in females) .

So in a hope to get something, I checked my tongue…

Bull shit…. No no… dog shit… no no… oh come on yaar shit is shit…

My tongue is 1.6 Cms shorter to world record. Yeah you have calculated it right my tongue is varying between 7.8 or say 7.9 Cms . so I have planned to do some pushups with my tongue so that I can reach this golden figure… :). After all record is record..

And stupid Itune was playing “kya khoya kya paya jag mai”

But this tongue mystery has solved many mysteries disturbing me inside. Like

1) It has solved the mystery of my talkative nature, now I got it why I speak too much.

2) Why it takes too much time to clean my tongue :( with the help of tongue cleaner.

But it has not solved one mystery yet “why do girls speak more than boys if they have shorter tongue”. I am still looking for this.. haha

Gaba (my room mate, who can make record in his weight... just kidding) and me tried to measure my tongue with every possible way out (you may call it height of insanity, but we both live like this only hehe).

Our kaam wali bai was working in our flat at that time. She looked our madness and just smiled. Actually she was not getting words in hindi to speak anything (she is very weak in hindi :( and uses Marathi often).

So finally she gave her golden statement after all this” ae bhaiya , tum log ee kya karta hai… hamare Marathi mai ek kahavat hai jiska jeebh naak se chu jata hai , uski har icha puri hota hai.” (English translation for any angrez. “he brother, what are you doing… in our Marathi there is one old saying that if you can touch your nose tip with your tongue tip, your every wish will be fulfilled by god).

Hmm.

So I have started making wishes.. if you people have any .. you can contact me.. haha

Lord Ram's comments on RAM SETU

It has been copied from one community of orkut, i liked it so i m posting it here...


Lord Ram's comments on RAM SETU

The Lord Shree Shree Ramachandra Prabhu surveyed the Ram Setu and said
"Hanuman, how diligently and strenuously you and your vanara sena had built
this bridge several centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood
the ravages of the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is
indeed an amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at
Hyderabad built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day
even before they could stick the posters on its pillars."

Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your
grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the sea
and they held. No steel from TISCON or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever
used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."

Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the bridge
and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of money
will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on
construction. "

Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and present our
case"

Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us to
submit age proof and we don't have either a birth certificate or school
leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times in bullock
carts and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as the address
proof is concerned the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is itself under
litigation for over half a century, If I go in a traditional attire with
bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may take
me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the
reserved category. Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit
and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it
is dilemma so to say."

"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."

"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce the
lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and how the
project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is accepted
without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but unless a doctor
certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself personally
but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a
life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated."

"Lord can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given
darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint
Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still
they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only option,
I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records
straight once for all."

Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may
look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his mama
Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was in
the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth as
long as Salman Khan is around."

Being in final year of computer engineering,

Like any other thing this is also a landmark of anyone’s life. It is not an ordinary year; even it is a period which you always want to keep in your memories. Finally I have realized the things which I am getting in pieces. Quite obvious I am not talking about my academics but I am talking about a gate which will throw me out from my educational life to a professional life.

I never have an attitude of final year student. I am living my life as it is coming on my way. Means controlling all emotions in one life.

Today I realized the value of this attitude. I was in lift of our college library. And with me there was one guy, I really don’t know about him. Well after shutting the doors I started doing my job which is full up of making insanity , well I was playing with (not on.. ) my mobile…

Guy next to me: can’t you stand properly.

Me: :O

Guy: well I am in 3^rd year; you should respect your seniors. (I don’t how did he judge my class. :O )

So lift reached to the ground floor, common destination of both of us.

Me : excuse me sir.

Guy : yes

Me: by the way I am in final year and I think final year comes after 3^rd year.

And finally I gave victorious smile to him.

Guy: :O sorry sir… I thought you are in 2^nd year.

Me: its ok buddy… but take it as lesson.

And left the place waving my mobile in same way, I was doing in the lift. :)

Recently I have also started feeling that I am a student of computer engineering :o . Well don’t be shocked, I never did any technical work, I never did my assignments on my own and also I have never gave my practical exams in fair manner.

Last night I was talking to papa on phone.

Papa: so how much have you started studying? (my father is also a member of CPI.. it is not communist party of India. You nerd!!!, it is common problem in India… well it means when a person only knows two states 0 and 1, i.e. either on or off. Well to make things clear my father only talked about studies and money on phone, 0 or 1 in my language, means in language of computer engineering… aha Digital electronics .. I love it…)

Me: I am busy in project work.

Papa: and what about money, you are misusing my ATM card now.

Me: err… papa I never did, actually blah blah blah (you people can mail me to take crash course of making fake expenses.)

Papa: hey you have got one CD as gift.

Me : oh please send it to my address.

Papa: ok give me your mail address.

Me: ok it is aashish.dixit@gmail.com , send it as attachment.

Papa : :O

chai per bulaya hai...

Winamp played a trick with me, and played some songs which I was in forgetting processes. After playing some melodious tracks, suddenly it played a track “SHAYAD MERI SHAADI KA KHAYAL”…

Tough I don’t prefer to listen such highly motivating, inspiring, stimulating, etc songs which motivates youths to a dangerous gamble of life known as MARRIAGE.

But I was in bathroom and playing with my razor to make my face cleaner, in short I was shaving.

And because of one term known as “LAZYNESS”, I allowed it to play. Now my brain started playing with my thinking power and I started thinking if…

1) If her mom called me for tea, then what will happen: as I prefer anything over tea.

Her mom: so beta what would you take tea or …

Me: err, can’t we chat and forget about tea or other formalities.

Her mom: beta don’t feel shy, feel as home. Now tell me what you would prefer to take.

Me: hmm. Ok can we have ICE tea, I simply love it.

Her mom: I am sorry son, but ice tea…??? Sorry I don’t know how to make it.

Me: its ok aunty, so can we have Lemon Tea. It is good for health too. Lime is best for our body and blah blah blah…

Her mom: :( I am sorry once again…

Me: ok. Simple tea is fine, but I prefer to have 1 TS sugar in it.

Her mom: ok

And after this “TEA with her mom” program we chatted something else.

2) If her dad called me for the same, in any of good restaurant

Father: so son, how are you, I listened about you. She was disturbing my days and nights in your introduction.

Me: I am fine and it’s my pleasure to listen such things for me. (Blushing)

Father: so where are you working, and at what post.

Me: sir I am working in this blah blah blah company and this blah blah blah post (I am still jobless, is any recruiter reading this, CV will be mailed as per requirement)

Father: oh it’s nice. So what would you have a simple tea :O :O :O

Me (making expression of not again… puhllllleeeeeeez….. but somehow I recall some of my friend’s request that first impression is last one, so please don’t behave like Ashish there) : oh yeah sir, whatever you prefer.

Father (expression: showing attitude of father-in-law): why? Can’t you make this simple decision?

Me: err. Ok sir, coffee will be fine for me. Expresso.

Father : uff this generation… coffee coffee.. don’t you people know about benefits of tea.

Me: err, ok sir one tea for me , with 1 TS sugar.

Father(in his old expression of attitude) : order it to waiter, I am not working here as waiter.

Me (gulp) :yes sir… sir by the way what would you prefer?

Father :me.. ok order one coffee for me

Me : :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

3) If she turns out to be tea lover.

I will simply type www.orkut.com and search any other for me… :(

And finally after this shaving-cum-dream sequence I felt the power of Gillette razors, truly yar, these people are number 1 in making blades. I got two cuts on my face :( in this shaving process.